First of all, yes I am aware that I have been back from Detroit for over a week now and have as yet not updated. Honestly, it has taken a week for the rage to subside and for me to catch up with my school work. So now that I am sufficently calm, let the ranting begin!Rain + Transports = The Mist of DOOM!
So two Thursday's ago, I finished writing my Murder and Other Crime midterm at 4:30, got on the TTC and went downtown to meet Michelle at the Delta Chelsea (once again). We went to dinner at The Armadillo which is always good times and on the way I suggested that if we were to have a true HIM weekend, Jagermeister had to be purchased. After dinner, we watched the new CSI which I have sorely missed doing *le tear* Then we went to bed really late, only to have to wake up at 8am in order to get ready.
With our Timmy Ho's croissants and ice tea in hand, we sat down in our rented silver Sunfire and were on our way. Bad sign: almost got lost in Toronto. Come on, this is the city we're supposed to know! Anyways, we did managed to get onto the 401 and the rocking out to HIM commenced. At first Michelle was a little frightened to drive the big scary 401 but within 20 minutes she was doing 140 km/h like a good Torontonian. At one point I was rocking out to the guitar rift in "The Sacrament" right before the chorus, and I hit my head on seatbelt dispenser-thingy. Sweet Minty Christ, that was some pain. We eventually stopped a McDick's in some hick town in Southeastern Ontario named after some hick town in the UK (as they all seem to be). Twas good eating, mmmm, you can supersize me anytime *hehe*
So when we get to Windsor we decide to take the Ambassador Bridge to get to Detroit. At customs of course the guy asks us where we are going, and then of course comes the explanation of what the hell HIM is. He thankfully lets us into his country. Arriving in Detroit, one automatically notices that apparently they don't like to mark their streets there. Michelle circled around this one area like 3 times before we realized that unless we wanted to go to Flint (and get shot) this was the only street we could take. Thank goodness it was apparently the right one. We had to go under this sketchy-ass bridge that almost made me wet myself, from then on the car doors remained locked.
Once you get to Detroit and you've noticed that no streets are marked within the entire city, you soon discover that none of the streets in Detroit are staight either. You come across forks in the road every block. So eventually we did get lost, and ended up at a gas station where the nice lady behind six inches of bullet-proof glass provided us with directions. These directions would have been helpful if only all of downtown Detroit was not under construction! For those of you playing the home game, let's recap, shall we? No street names visible, no straight streets, and major streets under construction. Great!
At this point I think it is necessary to make a comment on the condition of Detroit as a whole. It's a shit hole. I understand that in most urban centres there are "ghettos" that one does not venture into. It seems that while Detroit looks like a lovely city from the shores of Windsor, the tall, impressive buildings are only there to hide the fact that the rest of the city is falling apart. Detroit has now officially replaced Winnipeg as Marta's least favourite city in the world. Congratulations Detroit, you deserve the honour!
Moving on. So we get to the State Theatre and there is already a line. Its also drizzling. Oh sure, you think drizzling is no big deal but when you stand outside in it for 4 hours, you get pretty fucking soaking wet. While standing in line, and being accosted by crazy cracked-out homeless men, we met numerous friendly Canadians. In fact, I remet a girl who was in my first year theatre classes. She quit the program, she was smart. We also met 5 people from Indiana. I did not meet a single person from Detroit or even Michigan. Then again, if I was from that city I wouldn't admit it either. This one kid from Indianapolis had a green hoodie and matching shoelaces, he was cool. And he had these long bangs that he kept flipping out of his face, reminded me of the non-conformist goth kids off South Park, I laughed. He also told about kids at the last show that kept calling Ville "Vile", that made me laugh as well. We also made a plan to round up all the Bam fans and stick them in a cage, unfortunately that plan fell through, but next time I will come better prepared.
While we were standing in line one of the security guards announced that no digital cameras were allowed in. So I took Michelle's camera and hid it between my boobs. Seriously, I could smuggle anything in those bad boys. However, we didn't get any pictures. See explanation of the horribleness that was the crowd below.
So we get inside, and we actually get pretty close to the stage, yay! Auf der Maur was pretty fucking cool. She's such a rocker chick, I loved it. Monster Magnet was alright, not really my cup of tea though. And the pants the lead singer was wearing made me fear that his dong would fall out *eeep*
In between Monster Magnet's set and HIM, this guy starts pushing his way to the front. He looked a lot like Bam and at first I thought that it was some sort of stunt. But apparently he just wanted to get closer so his fat girlfriend could see. GAY! After that, all hell broke loose. I grabbed Michelle's hand because I thought that I could get us closer. Bad move. All the pushing and squishing. It wouldn't have been that bad if I didn't have to breathe in other people exhaled breath and if the guy in front of me wasn't constantly kicking me in the shins and stepping on my ankle. The bruises that I have from him are quite lovely. I was sooooo close to the stage but because of those reasons I'm sad to report that I only lasted through "Buried Alive By Love," "Your Sweet 666," and "The Sacrament" before I had to get the fuck out. Those fuckers almost ruined the whole concert for me, it was very upsetting.
I ended up on the left side of the stage (by myself, because I had lost Michelle) beside a guy who looked like Bubbles off The Trailer Park Boys who was wearing a red trucker hat and the hot pink Razorblade Romance t-shirt. It was pretty funny. In front of me were two girls who were desperate to get Valo's attention. They kept trying to pick one another up to be more noticeable, but since both of them were about 4 foot nothing and 50 pounds that didn't work too well. At one point I did look over to the right and what do I see? A huge motherfucking Canadian flag with a heartagram painted over the maple leaf! It was fucking awesome! I found out later that it belonged to lisars. You go girlfriend!
I am saddened to report that Valo hardly talked at all though. He did at one point call us sweethearts, which was pretty sexy. The only story he told was before "Join Me" at the very end of their set. He talked about how it was his birthday on Monday and that if he wanted to be a true rock legend he would have to die that weekend. Then he rethought it and said that there were rock legends that had survived and he gave the example of Neil Young. Well, since Chris (huge Neil Young and HIM fan) was not there, I screamed so loud just for him. I look out for my homies. Werd! Anyways, Valo went on to say that he's afriad to die and that we probably all are. But that we would all like the Romeo and Juliet story in some way. Then they played "Join Me" and I'm not gonna lie, I got pretty misty-eyed.
Also, they did not play "Funeral of Hearts" *sad face* I wanted to see Valo sing: "When love is a gun, separating me from you" and do the little gun sign. Boo-erns!
After the encore, Michelle and I headed to the merchandise table where we proceded to spend $190 USD. I have worn something with a heartagram on it all week long, it has made me uber happy.
We then went outside to wait by the tour bus. From previous show reports, I had figured that we would have to wait like 2 hours for them to come out. But instead, they came out almost immediately and left *le tear* But once again, I wanted to get the hell out of Detroit as well, so I understand. While waiting there, I saw this guy with a black jacket that was completely covered in white HIM lyrics and symbols. I was pretty impressed, until . . . he started to show off his matching Valo tattoos. Wow! Get your own life. You're not Ville Valo!
The bus drove away, and Michelle and I practically ran to the car where we adorned ourselves with our new, warm and matching HIM hoodies. Then we got our asses to the tunnel to Windsor. On the way there, I couldn't help but notice that there were no people on the streets of Detroit. They must not have wanted to get shot. So when we get to the nice customs lady we beg her to let us back into our beautiful country. Of course she did and I was amazed by how much saver I felt automatically. In Windsor, there were people walking down the streets, going to bars, etc. It was like stepping into a completely different world. Complete with Tim Horton's with hot apple cider for Marta. Yay!
The drive back to Toronto was one of scariest of my life. Here is a good equation to remember:
But we did get home safe. And driving down Yonge Street, which for those of you who don't know, is the longest and motherfucking straightest street in the world, I was so happy to be home.
We slept most of the day away. When we did get up, we watched Chocolat on tv, which was filled with commericals for Swanson bowls. So of course, then we had to get pasta for supper. Once again Yonge Street was there when we needed her. Later, we decided to go to see drag queens at Crews as it is always the best time, EVER! I was happy to find out that Heaven Lee Hytes also hates Detroit.
I think that is about it *phew*
"Detroit!? That place is seriously the asshole of the world!"
- Heaven Lee Hytes