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My "Nobody Goes Home In A Stretcher" Themed Birthday Party! [07 Mar 2006|02:32am]
[ mood | horny ]

I had the most fabulous birthday trip to New York City. It was so great in fact that it is due to become an annual thing. I would love to post pictures but Michelle has most of them, so until she sends those to me *wink, wink, poke, nudge* I'll just have to tease you a bit with this:

Hopefully there will be more to come soon!

Since I was on my way back from NYC on my actual birthday, I celebrated my belated birthday at Crews on Friday. As per usual, Adam was the camera bitch and did a ab fab job. Shall we?

Look at me functioning with 13 drinks in me!Collapse )

Also, I would just like to inform everyone that I think I have a new favourite American Idol contestant . . .Collapse )

"Girl, this is my breakfast, lunch, and dinner right here. You don't even know!"

- Colin Farrell [The Colin Farrell Sex Tape]

5 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

EuroTrip 2005 [20 Nov 2005|03:57am]
[ mood | tired ]

So now that you know what I've been up to in November of 2005, I thought I'd fill you in from April to October.

This summer I went on my first ever family trip. It was definitely interesting. I have many a story to tell, but I like accompanying stories with visual aides, so I have those too.

This way to hilarity! Starting with Warsaw . . . Collapse )

The family reunion in Walbrzych and PRAGUE!!Collapse )

The disgustingly beautiful trip to the Baltic SeaCollapse )

Berlin, YA!Collapse )

I think that's everything for EuroTrip 2005. But just so that we're all caught up and I don't have to post for another eight months . . .

What I was doing when I should have been applying for grad school!Collapse )

"Hey Chris. Whatever happened to Geena Davis? She used to be in movies but she's not in movies anymore. She's attractive enough but when she smiles you see too much gum. Not a good tooth-to-gum ratio. Chris? Ah, I'll tell you tomorrow."

- Stewie Griffin [Family Guy]

2 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

H 2 OOOoooOOOooOooOO! [20 Nov 2005|01:26am]
[ mood | chipper ]

So I haven't updated since April, so shoot me!

In the past week I have experienced two of my very favourite things that begin with the letter H . . . HIM and Harry Potter (or as my grandma would argue Harry Poker, don't even ask) And for the occassion I bought a magically crazy belt buckle that you can program to marquee/scroll anything you want. If you don't have one, I recommend you get one pronto!

So first off, HIM came to Canada for the first time last weekend and I was there! They had an HMV signing causing Michelle and I to stand on Yonge for 6 hours on Sunday afternoon. We had Cinnabons while waiting, listened to 16-year-olds be retarded and befriended their father . . . sort of. But besides all of that, I finally go to "meet" Ville Valo and get my Razorblade Romance CD signed after 6 years of trying.

HMV Signing PicturesCollapse )

After the signing, we headed over to the concert in order to stand for another 6 hours! But it was well worth it, much more so than the Detroit fiasco of last year. The crowd was better (to a degree, pushing was still fucking ridiculous), the sound was better, and Ville and the guys seemed genuinely happy to there. Ville was much more talkative than last year and I thought I'd share some of his gems with you:

- So at the very beginning of their set there was a lot of pushing going on, and Ville motions to the guys to quiet down and then says: "Hey, calm down. Be gentle to the ladies." It was fucking hella hot!

- While lighting up a cigarette, he goes: "I have a theory for all of you smokers out there. Lung cancer brings us closer to God." Hawt! (even though I'm morally against smoking)

- During "Razorblade Kiss" instead of singing: "I want you to love me," he sang: "I want you to fuck me." It made me think of Lesley-Anne (clearly because I want her to fuck me :P)

- During "Play Dead" instead of singing: "Like God cries the rain," he sang: "Like God pissed down the rain." Made me chuckle.

All in all, an amazing show. There was one point -- during "Vampire Heart" -- where I nearly started crying because I'm a huge loser. Unfortunately, I'm a crappy photographer and none of my pictures were worthy of being posted. But happily my belt said: HIM = LOVE

Moving on the Harry Potter! I enjoyed it but that's not saying much because they could have literally filmed a sack of shit for two and a half hours, slapped the Harry Potter stamp of approval on it and I would have paid to see it and sang it's praises! But still!

The CGI is getting so much better, it's scary! The movie was visually stunning. And the musical score by John Williams is, as usual, beautiful. Also, there were no "fade to black" moments in this one!

I loved the Weasley twins in this one. They were soooo funny. The humour throughout was an aspect that I really enjoyed. Also, I tried really hard not to find Robert Pattinson (Cedric Diggory) hot, but god damn that boy is FINE! He is totally the next Jude Law. I have heard a lot of people bitching about all the cuts, but for the most part I'm OK with them. The only thing that was perhaps a little neglected was a detailed explanation of Barty Crouch Jr. for those who haven't read the book but fuck those losers! Also, I could have done with more Snape because I *heart* him. And, of course, the HOUSE ELVES!! What the hell!?!

By the way, my belt read MUGGLE for the occassion.

Now, while I'm on here I might as well entertain you with a funny story courtesy of my mother. So my mom calls me today and the following conversation occurs (in Polish, of course):

Mom: Oh thank God I got a hold of you! I was watching the news on Monday and they said that they had found a decapitated female body in Toronto and I freaked out thinking it could be you. But then they said that she weighed 160lbs, so I knew that it wasn't you. But then I thought: How much does Marta weigh without her head!?
Me: Bwahahahahahahaha!!

I thought is was amazingly hilarious.

Also, today I was extremely bored and decided to download Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I personally thought that it was some of Johnny Depp's best work, he was just so quirky, abnormal, but likable at the same time. The whole thing was hilarious, but I literally almost peed myself when Willy says: "Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." Like WTF!? Amazing!

Alright, I think that is all for now. I must post stories and pictures of Europe Trip 2005 soon . . . maybe tonight . . . we'll see.

"Let's do this, I'm a cashew!"

- Dane Cook [Retaliation]

3 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

I love me some drag queens! [18 Apr 2005|08:06am]
[ mood | tired ]

Sequined scarf from Fashion Crimes: $24
MAC Pro Glitter in Pink: $18
Endless compliments from gay men: Fabulous!

So this weekend was my last weekend in Toronto. Now I must go back to completely non-fabulous Thunder Bay. So of course, I had to party it up this weekend.

On Friday we went to Crews with the excuse of taking The German AKA Julia. Farra and Safonda were performing that night, but Heaven Lee did make a special appearance. Leah got really excited about this because she hadn't seen Heaven Lee in like a month, it was cute. I mostly hung out with the two Marks. Good times had by all. My infamous birthday was brought up on stage once again. This thing is turning into like a legend. I will have to try and top it somehow next year.

On the way home, LA and I met a guy named Pierce Johnson *bwahahahaha*

Pictures from Friday NightCollapse )

So Saturday night, I went to Crews by myself because I'm just that cool. And I curled my hair, and just as I was thinking "Wow, I haven't burned myself" I burned my neck. It is totally hot! And I also used eyelash glue and pink glitter as lipstick. I confess, I like sparkly stuff.

At Crews, I met up with Mark and Leah, and other Mark and his friends Grant and Matty. I also saw Jay, Ray Ray, Mike, Tyler, and Dave. A couple of people accused me of trying to be a drag queen, I didn't deny it. Oh and Ray Ray was like "Your eyes always look amazing" and that made me realize why I like that boy so much. You will respect the Eyeshadow Slut!

Mark the bartender made me declicious drinks all night containing melon liquour. That shit is delicious! And he even made me the last one for free and I tipped him the $5 instead. He is good people.

Heaven Lee was scandalous as usual. On Saturday, the girl didn't wear any tights just her little thong *shocked face* That bitch is fearless. And she even did the squat-kicks that I enjoy so much, in (I kid you not) a belt and without tights!! The no tights were due to the fact that she got new shoes and the fact that sandals and tights together are less than classy. It's a personal pet peeve of mine, so I completely agree. She even shaved her legs for the occasion, they were smooth I'm not gonna lie. However, she neglected to shave her ass *lmao*

Early in the night Heaven Lee and I did a little summa-sa dance with my besequined scarf. That scarf is the shit! And then later, since it was my last time at Crews for months, I wanted to tip. But I wasn't gonna just stand there with my hand out, oh hell no! So during "Lose My Breath" I went up on stage and did the choreographed dance to the chorus with Heaven Lee. She kinda looked at me like "What the fuck are you doing?" when I started dancing, but then she joined in. I'd like to think that it was totally HOT! Even later in the night, I was waiting for another excellent opportunity to tip. I was thinking of just shoving the money in my boobs, but then what song comes on but "Rich Girl"! Hello, Gwen needs to have an Eve. And since I am delusional and think that I'm Black, I was more than willing to fill the position. However, right before Eve's rap in the song, this Mischa Barton-looking bitch, drunk off her ass goes up on stage and starts dancing around. She sticks her hand all Jenny Jones Show-like in Heaven Lee's face and then procedes to take Mark's hat and put it on. Oh my God! I thought Heaven Lee was gonna rip that bitch's head off. So finally her friends got her off the stage. And at this point, I was having second thoughts. I was like "Holy shit, she's gonna kill me if I go up there now." But nonetheless, I went up and was Eve for a few minutes. Heaven Lee and I were even synchronized in our dance moves. Once again, I like to think it was hot! I got plenty of compliments after which was cool. However, I still don't know what possessed me to do such a thing. It must be the schizophrenia.

When I got home, since Adam didn't show up to my last night at Crews, I ate the white-chocolate macadamian nut cookie dough he left in my fridge. That will teach him!

Pictures from Saturday NightCollapse )

PS. To all of you that don't like these drag queen dominated entries, it is the only fun thing I get to do all week, and I don't like to bore you with the rest of my monotomous existence. Furthermore, you can now breath easy, you are safe from me and my drag queen obsession for the next four months.

"Milk was a bad choice!"

- Ron Burgundy [Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy]

5 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

Three Crazy Days [03 Apr 2005|03:54pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

So I had my last day of class on Thursday, and to celebrate Adam and I went downtown to see Wicked. We put our names into the lottery because the show is sold out, but alas, we did not win. There were no house tickets, and even the scalpers didn't have any. When I told one of the scalpers that I wanted Wicked tickets, he was like "You're wicked!" And then he offered to take me to dinner and to see the show. The sad thing is, I kind of considered it because I really wanted to go. But I couldn't ditch Adam. One scalper had tickets for $125 each, and his big selling point was that "you get to sit with the reviewers." Well seeing as my theatre history professor is the premier theatre reviewer in Canada, that wasn't a really big deal to me.

So we wandered around the Eaton Centre for two hours, I got sequined flip-flops from Old Navy. Then we stood in front of the Canon Theatre, looking sad, hoping that someone would feel sorry for us and sell us their tickets. Well that didn't work. Then, 2 minutes to curtain, a scalper comes up to us with two tickets. He wanted $190 for both which was too steep for my blood. Adam talked him down to $175 which I was still a little iffy about, but he talked me into it. And thank goodness that he did!

I wasn't crazy about the first act, but the second act was amazing. I really enjoyed how they showed how the Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man came to be. And Stephanie J. Block as Elphaba was amazing! She made it look so effortless that I found myself forgetting that she was actually singing live and then when I remembered I was like "Holy Shit!" And of course, I cried for like the last 30 minutes of the show. I will never watch The Wizard of Oz the same way again. Oh and apparently, we were at the premiere of the run, look at us and how classy we are!

So after that, Adam and I went to our Cheers, also known as Crews, to watch Nicolette Brown's show. Adam knows her because she was in playGround with him this year. He got to see her put on her makeup *shocked face* Her guest was Mad Madelaine, who was quite literally insane. But hilarious. She did a great Janis Joplin and for Cyndi Lauper she came out with a skirt made out of newspaper. Amazing! Also, she had these amazing sparkly lips and I had to ask what she used. Turns out she worked at MAC in Yorkdale for six year. I think she might have been the MUA that helped me the first time I ever went to MAC with Michelle. So now I'm gonna have sparkly lips for formal tonight! Also, Heaven Lee showed up. And I had to run up to her and tell her that Adam and I saw Wicked.

Pictures from Thursday NightCollapse )

Moving on to Friday. I went shopping downtown and on the way there, there was an "accident." Apparently, someone fell onto track level at King station. Fell my foot. It was totally a jumper. I got the Wicked soundtrack for me and Adam, and a sparkly scarf from the sparly store on Queen West, I believe it is called "Fashion Crimes." Then, of course, I had to go to the MAC Pro store. My favourite MUA helped me. He is such a sweetheart. I got two eyeshadows, the sparkles for my lips tonight, my first lipglass in Nyphette, and Silver Dusk iridescent powder. And I got free samples of Rose and Steel Blue pigments and of Fix+ spray. I *heart* that man. And while in there Jessica found me which was very convient since I was supposed to meet her at Osgoode station at 6:30 for dinner.

Jessica, Natalie, Jeremy, Tay Tay, Jazzy, and I decided to go to the Armadillo for pitchers of margaritas. Taylor and Jazzy were supposed to come to Crews with me after dinner but they didn't feel up to it later. So Jessica, Jeremy, and I wandered up Yonge and I went to Crews by myself like a huge loser. Within the first 15 minutes there, I had made friends. However, this one guy who I befriended -- Steve -- turned out to be a huge dick. For example, when Heaven Lee was like "who hasn't been here before?", he raised my hand up and started screaming like a fool. She was all "well you obviously weren't here for Marta's birthday!" I somehow managed to get away from the freak and stood in Pina's spot since she wasn't there. Then this Steve guy started grabbing at Heaven Lee. And even though she told him on numerous occasions to stop, he didn't. Later, this really drunk girl showed up and kept leaning on the stage and slipping her drink. Well since Pina wasn't there, I cleaned the stage. Finally, Heaven Lee got so pissed, she told Derick to stop the music and she bitched them all out, which was totally hot, and the bastards left. On a positive note, I got "Popular" dedicated to me and she did the "Left Tit" song :)

When Pina did show up at the end of the show, I told her what had happened that night, and she asked me to come back on Saturday night just in case the girls needed any help since she was leaving for Chicago that night and wouldn't be there again. On the way home, a middle-aged man tried to pick me up. I have to stop being so nice to strangers.

Pictures from Friday NightCollapse )

So Saturday night, I had to go back to Crews alone again because Adam was sick. When I walked in, I told Heaven Lee that I was there to help her because Pina had asked me to come. She was outraged :P But we all know that the girl is useless, so it's ok. So I got to run and get her drinks all night. I also got to wear her wedding ring, turns out we have the same ring size. We made fun of some guy voguing in the front and pretended to know the lyrics to Alicia Keys' "Karma." She even did "Hollaback Girl" at my request. Good times had by all. At the end of the night, I met her friend Mark with whom she went to highschool. I've seen him a few times at Crews and he was very nice, thank god! As were his friends Matty, Grant, and George (who is a she). We said goodnight to Heaven Lee and I told her to wish Farra the best luck from me. And oh my God, Georgie Girl was there as well last night, and was fucking hilarious as usual. I *heart* her.

Pictures from Saturday NightCollapse )

So, that's about it. I good way to celebrate the end of classes. Tonight I'm going to formal because it's open bar. I will be wearing my crazy drag queen eyelashes, my sparkly scarf and sparkly lips. HOT!

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

- sign on library

1 Bitch| Flip the Bitch

It was the best of times . . . [02 Mar 2005|04:41am]
[ mood | thankful ]

Alright, for all of you who have been waiting for this post, I finally had time to do it!

As some of you may well know, my 21st birthday was like a week ago. And boy oh boy, did I celebrate. Thankfully, my dearest Adam was there to capture the whole event on -- I would say film but I don't know . . . disk? Anyways, I will tell the story through pictures, if that's alright by you. There are many. You have been warned. Also, I am actually posting pictures of myself. Scary, I know!

My Birthday, Bitch!Collapse )

"I will cut you!"

- Marta Statucka

5 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

A Fierce Weekend [24 Jan 2005|02:15am]
[ mood | happy ]

What a weekend I have had. Let me tell you, I'm a crazy bastard. So on Friday, I finally had a chance to go downtown and buy the digital camera that was my Christmas present from my mom. But first I had to get on the TTC, where -- while looking through the Metro newspaper -- I find a picture of Felicia! That crazy bitch! So then, I have to go to the MAC Pro store of course because I can't go a month without dropping at least a hundred dollars there. And while there I reveal to the lovely gay man helping me that I am an eyeshadow slut. From then on, he and these two noobie girls kept asking me for my advice and whatnot and being extremely surprised by my expertise. Oh yes, I am this cool. Plus he and the cute little Chinese girl in Saphora complimented my makeup. And my day was only beginning!

Then came the difficult task of getting a good deal on a camera. First came Radio Shack, which only carried the Casio Exillim EX-Z40 for $400. My search continued at Future Shop where they only carried the Canon Powershot SD500 at an exorbitant price which they didn't even have in stock. Oh Future Shop, you never fail to fuck me over. Then came the real challenge: going to the independently owned electronic stores along Yonge Street and not getting fucked up the ass. In the first store, the pushy Indian man does not have the Minolta X50 but offers me the Casio EX-Z40 or the Minolta G530 with a 512MB disk and a carrying case and tripod for $520 with taxes. Apparently, "No one will beat his price." Sure. And by the way, I am fully aware that the G530 is a piece of crap and no where close to the X50, but nice try. In the next store, the quiet Chinese man offers me the Minolta with a 512MB disk for $506 with taxes. Not bad. But I will venture further. The third store I suspect was owned by the same people as the first one. And they offered me the same "deal." I finally make my way to the fourth store, where I meet Frank. Oh Frank, you came and you sold me a camera. Yes he did. Frank was a good man. He didn't try to bull shit me, he knew what he was talking about, and he spoke to me in Polish. Oh Frank, I think I *heart* you. So the point is, I gots me a Minolta X50 and a 512MB disk for $500 even with taxes. Oh and wait, what's that? I also got a $50 rebate? Wow, all this for the low, low price of $450? I rock your world so hard!!

So now I have my camera and I need to test it out, right? So I go to Mr. Greenjeans for dinner and to charge the battery. Now, who shall be my subjects? Hmmmm . . . . DRAG QUEENS!!

I meet Adam and his boyfriend Chris at Crews where I go talk to Coat Check Girl, whose name I do not know but whom I love regardless. Then Adam and I make our way to the bar where the bartender knows our order. At this point I am frightened! I am now officially a regular. In the bathroom, I discover Pina and learn that Farra won her preliminaries in Chicago!! Since Farra was still in Chicago, the show that night consisted of Heaven Lee and Sofonda. Sweeeeet.

That night I met Charlie (who lives in Montreal, has got the hook up to Montreal queens, and thinks I'm "fabulous"), Vin Diesel look-alike, Joey (who I have apparently met before), AJ (the lovely gay gentleman who offered to have sex with me) and Mark (who I have met numerous time but was finally drunk enough to actually talk to me). Then half-way through the night, Tyler -- a friend from school -- shows up and is astonished to see me at Crews. Ha! If he only knew. Also, Heaven Lee said my name like 10 times on stage trying to make me orgasm . . . I'm just saying. Now, I know you are all curious about the pictures, so here they are:

Friday Night At CrewsCollapse )

Now it's Saturday, and Farra is going to be back from Chicago and we have to go help her celebrate her victory. So we arrive, only to find out that she is snowed in and is still in Chicago. But all is not lost because Robin Loren and Georgia Boy are in the house. Now, Robin's Cher impression is a must-see. And Georgia Boy is the mother of Robin, Felicia, and Sylvia. And let me tell you, she is fucking hilarious. She looks like a real life Real Doll *slash* Dolly Parton and when she started calling Robin her Chechnyan love child or saying that she first mistook Felicia for a blood clot, Adam and I almost pissed ourselves. And since I am now attached to my Minolta as if it were my very own Chechnyan love child, I brought it along in order to provide you kind people with pictures:

Saturday Night At CrewsCollapse )

"Last time I checked, my asshole was behind me."

- Heaven Lee Hytes

8 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

It's a beautiful day in the Gaybourhood! [14 Dec 2004|02:38pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

So what do you do when you and your gay friend Adam are bored on a Monday night? Go to the Gaybourhood, of course! We went to Crews . . . again, because it seems that I am turning into a regular there. Last night was the talent search, and let me tell you, seeing bad drag queens really makes you appreciate the good ones. There was this one that looked like my seventh grade principle in a ball gown, wig, and lipstick. So not hot! Once Adam got drunk, he started dancing, especially with this one queen, Julie. She was totally fun and even kissed Adam on the cheek. There was also this really drunk lesbian there from Sioux Lookout, ya, way to represent the Northwest! woot! Soooooo embarrassing!

At one point I befriended Ray, or as I like to call him Gay Dave. We will meet again on Friday. Speaking of Friday . . . so I turn around and who do I see but Heaven Lee with new longer and blonder extensions, dressed like a boy, and with stubble!! Sadly, even with stubble she was still more gorgeous than any woman I have seen though slightly more boyish looking. So she came over to sit with us, because like I said, I'm becoming a regular. At one point her hand was all the way up Adam's shirt, I still don't know how that happened. I also learned that her hair costs as much as one breast impant. And she confessed that she's a straight girl trapped in a fag's body, which made me chuckle. And at the end of the evening, we walked her part way home and I got a hug and Adam got a kiss . . . on the mouth! Now that was hot! On an acadmeic note, having studied gender construction all term, it was really interesting to see how clothing and even facial hair did not change Heaven Lee's feminine gender identity. Adam has also decided to follow my advice and write his Survey II essay about drag queens and Kabuki theatre, it should be fabulous! I have a feeling that much research at Crews will be necessary . . . excellent!

Finally, is it just me, or does it seem that as of late, I cannot post an entry that does not at least mention Heaven Lee? Just to prove to you all that I'm not making her up, here are some pictures:


Black and White

"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman."

- Simone de Beauvoir

4 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

Big Friendly Giant [11 Dec 2004|04:50pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

4 Pitchers of Beer
2 Pitchers of Long Island Iced Tea
9 Shooters
1 Plate of Nachos
3 friends
Good Times!

Oh ya, and a lot of money spent. But we were celebrating Lesley-Anne getting the fuck out of our province. I'll just justify it by saying that last night was my Christmas present to Dave and LA and vis versa.
Also, it has come to my attention that LA and especially myself become way too friendly when drinking. Let me list off the people I "befriended" last night:

- Blue Shirt (Bartender at the Peel Pub)
- Jew Boy (Our waiter at the Peel Pub)
- Diva (Jew Boy's African Canadian female friend)
- Farra N. Hyte (Dave had to pee, we took him to Crews to do so, and I moreso befriended her. LA hugged her and it was the first time I've ever seen her at a loss for words)
- Green Shirt (Cute gay boy that was also talking to Farra N. Hyte and was later on the Finch bus with us)
- Heaven Lee Hytes (I tried to ask her what the dirty song is called, she didn't know but said she would burn a copy for me for next Friday, sweeeeeeet! Also, she hugged Dave and made him hella awkward because he couldn't see her Adam's apple)
- Toque Boy (Boy wearing a toque at the bus stop. He later made a comment about my crazy green eyeshadow. Not hot! As Stewie would say: "Make whatever joke you want, you know I look good!")
- Toque Boy 2 (Toque Boy's friend, also wearing a toque)
- Green Vest (Oh, I think he was one of my favourite new friends. We met on the Yonge Blue Night bus, and he made some comment about my intelligence, so I started spewing off some feminist dramatic theory, oh yes, I really went there!)

*sigh* That was what I did last night. I must learn to be more reserved. Or not. Whatevs, you all know you love me!

Nicky: Racism is so not hot.
Paris: No, I agree. It doesn't get any less hotter than racism . . . Hey are you still married?
Nicky: No.
Paris: That's hot!

- Saturday Night Live

Flip the Bitch

Adventures of Flesh Purse in the Asshole of the World! [29 Nov 2004|01:35am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

First of all, yes I am aware that I have been back from Detroit for over a week now and have as yet not updated. Honestly, it has taken a week for the rage to subside and for me to catch up with my school work. So now that I am sufficently calm, let the ranting begin!

So two Thursday's ago, I finished writing my Murder and Other Crime midterm at 4:30, got on the TTC and went downtown to meet Michelle at the Delta Chelsea (once again). We went to dinner at The Armadillo which is always good times and on the way I suggested that if we were to have a true HIM weekend, Jagermeister had to be purchased. After dinner, we watched the new CSI which I have sorely missed doing *le tear* Then we went to bed really late, only to have to wake up at 8am in order to get ready.

With our Timmy Ho's croissants and ice tea in hand, we sat down in our rented silver Sunfire and were on our way. Bad sign: almost got lost in Toronto. Come on, this is the city we're supposed to know! Anyways, we did managed to get onto the 401 and the rocking out to HIM commenced. At first Michelle was a little frightened to drive the big scary 401 but within 20 minutes she was doing 140 km/h like a good Torontonian. At one point I was rocking out to the guitar rift in "The Sacrament" right before the chorus, and I hit my head on seatbelt dispenser-thingy. Sweet Minty Christ, that was some pain. We eventually stopped a McDick's in some hick town in Southeastern Ontario named after some hick town in the UK (as they all seem to be). Twas good eating, mmmm, you can supersize me anytime *hehe*

So when we get to Windsor we decide to take the Ambassador Bridge to get to Detroit. At customs of course the guy asks us where we are going, and then of course comes the explanation of what the hell HIM is. He thankfully lets us into his country. Arriving in Detroit, one automatically notices that apparently they don't like to mark their streets there. Michelle circled around this one area like 3 times before we realized that unless we wanted to go to Flint (and get shot) this was the only street we could take. Thank goodness it was apparently the right one. We had to go under this sketchy-ass bridge that almost made me wet myself, from then on the car doors remained locked.

Once you get to Detroit and you've noticed that no streets are marked within the entire city, you soon discover that none of the streets in Detroit are staight either. You come across forks in the road every block. So eventually we did get lost, and ended up at a gas station where the nice lady behind six inches of bullet-proof glass provided us with directions. These directions would have been helpful if only all of downtown Detroit was not under construction! For those of you playing the home game, let's recap, shall we? No street names visible, no straight streets, and major streets under construction. Great!

At this point I think it is necessary to make a comment on the condition of Detroit as a whole. It's a shit hole. I understand that in most urban centres there are "ghettos" that one does not venture into. It seems that while Detroit looks like a lovely city from the shores of Windsor, the tall, impressive buildings are only there to hide the fact that the rest of the city is falling apart. Detroit has now officially replaced Winnipeg as Marta's least favourite city in the world. Congratulations Detroit, you deserve the honour!

Moving on. So we get to the State Theatre and there is already a line. Its also drizzling. Oh sure, you think drizzling is no big deal but when you stand outside in it for 4 hours, you get pretty fucking soaking wet. While standing in line, and being accosted by crazy cracked-out homeless men, we met numerous friendly Canadians. In fact, I remet a girl who was in my first year theatre classes. She quit the program, she was smart. We also met 5 people from Indiana. I did not meet a single person from Detroit or even Michigan. Then again, if I was from that city I wouldn't admit it either. This one kid from Indianapolis had a green hoodie and matching shoelaces, he was cool. And he had these long bangs that he kept flipping out of his face, reminded me of the non-conformist goth kids off South Park, I laughed. He also told about kids at the last show that kept calling Ville "Vile", that made me laugh as well. We also made a plan to round up all the Bam fans and stick them in a cage, unfortunately that plan fell through, but next time I will come better prepared.

While we were standing in line one of the security guards announced that no digital cameras were allowed in. So I took Michelle's camera and hid it between my boobs. Seriously, I could smuggle anything in those bad boys. However, we didn't get any pictures. See explanation of the horribleness that was the crowd below.

So we get inside, and we actually get pretty close to the stage, yay! Auf der Maur was pretty fucking cool. She's such a rocker chick, I loved it. Monster Magnet was alright, not really my cup of tea though. And the pants the lead singer was wearing made me fear that his dong would fall out *eeep*

In between Monster Magnet's set and HIM, this guy starts pushing his way to the front. He looked a lot like Bam and at first I thought that it was some sort of stunt. But apparently he just wanted to get closer so his fat girlfriend could see. GAY! After that, all hell broke loose. I grabbed Michelle's hand because I thought that I could get us closer. Bad move. All the pushing and squishing. It wouldn't have been that bad if I didn't have to breathe in other people exhaled breath and if the guy in front of me wasn't constantly kicking me in the shins and stepping on my ankle. The bruises that I have from him are quite lovely. I was sooooo close to the stage but because of those reasons I'm sad to report that I only lasted through "Buried Alive By Love," "Your Sweet 666," and "The Sacrament" before I had to get the fuck out. Those fuckers almost ruined the whole concert for me, it was very upsetting.

I ended up on the left side of the stage (by myself, because I had lost Michelle) beside a guy who looked like Bubbles off The Trailer Park Boys who was wearing a red trucker hat and the hot pink Razorblade Romance t-shirt. It was pretty funny. In front of me were two girls who were desperate to get Valo's attention. They kept trying to pick one another up to be more noticeable, but since both of them were about 4 foot nothing and 50 pounds that didn't work too well. At one point I did look over to the right and what do I see? A huge motherfucking Canadian flag with a heartagram painted over the maple leaf! It was fucking awesome! I found out later that it belonged to lisars. You go girlfriend!

I am saddened to report that Valo hardly talked at all though. He did at one point call us sweethearts, which was pretty sexy. The only story he told was before "Join Me" at the very end of their set. He talked about how it was his birthday on Monday and that if he wanted to be a true rock legend he would have to die that weekend. Then he rethought it and said that there were rock legends that had survived and he gave the example of Neil Young. Well, since Chris (huge Neil Young and HIM fan) was not there, I screamed so loud just for him. I look out for my homies. Werd! Anyways, Valo went on to say that he's afriad to die and that we probably all are. But that we would all like the Romeo and Juliet story in some way. Then they played "Join Me" and I'm not gonna lie, I got pretty misty-eyed.

Also, they did not play "Funeral of Hearts" *sad face* I wanted to see Valo sing: "When love is a gun, separating me from you" and do the little gun sign. Boo-erns!

After the encore, Michelle and I headed to the merchandise table where we proceded to spend $190 USD. I have worn something with a heartagram on it all week long, it has made me uber happy.

We then went outside to wait by the tour bus. From previous show reports, I had figured that we would have to wait like 2 hours for them to come out. But instead, they came out almost immediately and left *le tear* But once again, I wanted to get the hell out of Detroit as well, so I understand. While waiting there, I saw this guy with a black jacket that was completely covered in white HIM lyrics and symbols. I was pretty impressed, until . . . he started to show off his matching Valo tattoos. Wow! Get your own life. You're not Ville Valo!

The bus drove away, and Michelle and I practically ran to the car where we adorned ourselves with our new, warm and matching HIM hoodies. Then we got our asses to the tunnel to Windsor. On the way there, I couldn't help but notice that there were no people on the streets of Detroit. They must not have wanted to get shot. So when we get to the nice customs lady we beg her to let us back into our beautiful country. Of course she did and I was amazed by how much saver I felt automatically. In Windsor, there were people walking down the streets, going to bars, etc. It was like stepping into a completely different world. Complete with Tim Horton's with hot apple cider for Marta. Yay!

The drive back to Toronto was one of scariest of my life. Here is a good equation to remember:

Rain + Transports = The Mist of DOOM!

But we did get home safe. And driving down Yonge Street, which for those of you who don't know, is the longest and motherfucking straightest street in the world, I was so happy to be home.

We slept most of the day away. When we did get up, we watched Chocolat on tv, which was filled with commericals for Swanson bowls. So of course, then we had to get pasta for supper. Once again Yonge Street was there when we needed her. Later, we decided to go to see drag queens at Crews as it is always the best time, EVER! I was happy to find out that Heaven Lee Hytes also hates Detroit.

I think that is about it *phew*

"Detroit!? That place is seriously the asshole of the world!"

- Heaven Lee Hytes

7 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

A hootenanny of a weekend [15 Nov 2004|12:37am]
[ mood | excited ]

WARNING: This will be a long entry about my uber exciting weekend, you have been warned!!

So after my history tutorial on Thursday, I headed downtown to meet Michelle at the Delta Chelsea. I arrived shortly after 6 and the girly ritual of sharing new purchases, modeling outfits, and doing one another's hair began. We knew that the doors opened at 8pm and decided to leave at 7:45 and walk there, because it was just down College. Ok, let me tell you. College is a motherfucking deceptively long street especially when it's all under construction with no sidewalks. So we arrived at about 8:20ish and there wasn't really a line up by then. But there was this kid of about 10 in front of us and I kept swearing like a sailor, oops!

So we get inside, and there aren't too many people there. The opening act (Money Money) had started their set already and they insisted on spitting on each other, it was weird. At this point Michelle's notoriously poor bladder acted up and I defended our spots while she went to relieve herself, only to come back to tell me that as she exited the bathroom The Rasmus had walked by her on their way to the stage. Why oh why is my bladder so good?!

The show itself was really good. They played basically every song from Dead Letters (except "The One I Love" and "Back in The Picture"), along with "Falling," "Bullet" (about which I was totally pumped), and "Everyday." They also did a Pet Shop Boys cover and a song dedicated to Remembrance Day which I have never heard before.

But I must say, the crowd was teh suck. Wow! First of all there was a bunch of moms with their sweater vests and I was like "huh?" And then there were an abnormally large amount of little kids there. While waiting for the show to start, I feel this tap on my shoulder. I turn around to find this little goth girl behind me and she says: "I'm short." As if I give a shit! So she moved her way up beside me and the whole show I could see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye. But besides all that, the crowd was horrible. Looking around no one seemed to know the lyrics while I, of course, was screaming them at the top of my lungs, which is pretty fucking loud. And furthermore, everyone seemed to be standing there with their arms at there sides just casually watching the show. The few times I felt the need to rock-out I elbowed the girl in front of me in the head, good times. Of course, everyone knew "In The Shadows" and that was the only part of the concert that was animated. But overall, shitty crowd. I also almost caught one of Aki's drum sticks but some douche bag ripped it out of my hand.

So after the concert is where the real fun begins. The tour bus was standing in front of the Mod Club so we figured that eventually the band would have to get on it. And for a second it seemed that our prayers were answered as within minutes Eero came out and autographed my cd. Cut to two and half hours later and Michelle, me, and our new friend Sara from New York still waiting outside the Mod Club. In the meanwhile, a bunch of drunk girls had wandered off to look for the band in random bars. Ummm, it's Toronto, there are hella lot of bars, douche bags. As Michelle was losing feeling in her extremities and Sara and I were willing to wait, we made a pact to stay only until 1:15 which was extended to 1:30. And thank God that it was because at exactly 1:22am as Michelle is standing with her back to the door complaining about the cold, and I see Lauri come out of the door. Oh ya, my persistence, stubbornness, refusal to admit defeat and total disregard for Michelle's well-being totally paid off. I got Pauli and Lauri to autograph my Dead Letters cd and got a picture taken with Lauri (who, by the way, looks like a total hobbit next to me). That's right, you know you want to be me.

Also, two high-larious things happened as we were getting pics taken and whatnot. First of all, there had been this homeless guy harassing us for money just before they came out and then he approached Lauri. Poor Lauri didn't understand the crazy homeless man's rabblings, it was funny. Secondly, Lauri left the bar with a Heineken and the asshole of a bouncer came up to him and yanked it out of his hand. Lauri didn't look too impressed. Later, I dared Sara to take the bottle, and she did.

The kicker of the evening, there was a huge misunderstanding and instead of waiting outside in the cold for two and a half hours we could have been drinking and waiting inside *shakes head* I'm a fucking idiot.

The next day, I had to get up extra early and get my ass to class. Also, we found out that Michelle's camera is a piece of shite and that she needs to go digital camera shopping. We did some shopping and went to Pizza Hut for supper where the waiter totally judged us for getting two large pizzas *pfft* Then it was off to Crews with Adam to see DRAG QUEENS!!

And may I just say that I am in love. Wow! Heaven Lee Hytes is fucking amazing. She is so hot and dirty (but in a good way). And she knows the choreography to Janet Jackson's "All Nite"!! That's hella impressive. So, I go over to her to tell her that she is fucking amazing and the first thing she asks me is if she can touch my breasts. This seems to be a common request of the drag queens. Then she thanks me for knowing the lyrics to "Fame" because she didn't. Finally, as I'm walking away, I feel someone slap my ass. I turn around to see her wave all coquettishly at me. For the rest of the evening we had dance-offs, it was totally hot. She also thrust her crotch in Adam's face. Oh, and she did this one song that goes: "You take my right tit, you take my left tit, you can suck my clit, and you can fuck me up the ass." If anyone knows the song I'm talking about, let me know, I must have it. Man, if she wasn't already married, she would be the girl/boy for me. By the end of the evening Adam was in the corner making out with a 35 year old Mexican midget and I had lost my voice. Fucking awesome!!

Also, today I went to see Hairspray because Melody got us free tickets. I feel meh about it and I laughed at the suckers who had payed $76 to see it.

Lastly, I'm getting really excited about the HIM concert next weekend. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this week. I'm hearing really good things about the show in Philadelphia. Ville even took off his shirt. HOT! I plan to be in Detroit as early as possible, and I will be in the front row. Hopefully by then Michelle will also have figured out this whole camera business and I will have beautiful pictures to help me remember the best night of my life. Ok, so perhaps I'm setting my expectations rather high, but it just has to be.

"Hootenanny. Chalk full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny."

- Oz [Buffy the Vampire Slayer]

4 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

My So-Called Life [20 Oct 2004|01:20am]
[ mood | blah ]

So allow me to tell you about my day. Not that anything particularly fabulous happened today, but nonetheless, I feel like sharing.

So this morning I checked my mailbox only to find that my Rasmus tickets had arrived. I let out a little squeal and did a little jig. Yes, like a complete loser.

Then I went to what is quickly becoming my favourite class: Murder and Other Crime in the 20th Century. Today wasn't the best lecture, certainly not the Lizzie Borden lecture of two weeks ago, but it was still very informative. We discussed the fact that in Texas there are 11 different ways in which murder is justifiable, including killing your wife's lover (interestingly, the same privilege does not extend to the wife). Also, we discussed felony murder. The lesson to be learned here, is not to help out your stupid friends in committing a crime if there is a chance that they will kill someone because then you get charged for murder as well. It's a real kick in the pants.

I returned to my room to eat a baby cow (or veal parmigiana if you will). I then proceded to read for six hours. Ok, ok, so I fell asleep for 40 minutes :P But I'm glad to report, that Richard Rhodes and Elliot Leyton have successfully convinced me that serial murderers are socially constructed. Good on them! Also, while reading, I gave myself a huge paper cut on my arm. I looks like I attempted to slit my wrist while blindfolded. I'm a fucking hero to humanity.

Lastly, I made a Dutch friend today. Woot! *breaks it down*

"It's not that I want to kill her . . . it's just that I don't want her alive . . . anymore."

- Stewie Griffin [Family Guy]

4 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

Asians, Jews, and Ukrainians, oh my! [12 Oct 2004|05:54pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Well, I have some good news for me. Michelle decided to come all the way down to Toronto in order to rent a car and drive my ass to Detroit and go to the HIM concert. WOOOOOT!! She already bought our tickets so I guess we don't have any excuses now, soooo sweeeeeeet! Also, we have just been introduced to The Rasmus, who are going to be in Toronto the week before the HIM concert. So now that I can stop stressing about the HIM concert, I must devise a plan so that Michelle can come to The Rasmus' concert with me. Anyone else interested?

In completely unrelated news, today I had to wait in the cafeteria line for 30 minutes because of the lineup and while there, I found myself surrounded by the weirdest assortment of people. First of all, there was the little Asian kid and -- what I assume to be -- a little Jewish kid and they kept participating in rough-and-tumble play (as defined by my developmental psychology textbook). They were acting like 10 year olds, while discussing the difficulty of their second year sociology class. Fucking weirdos. Also, there was this really awkward, creepy music major . . . come to think of it I suppose it's redundant to say he was creepy if I already mentioned he was a music major, right? Anyways, he kept trying to converse with this girl from Ukraine. His pick up line was: "So are you a dancer or something? Cuz you're so tall and slim." Ew, creepy. And then he had the nerve to ask me what I had in my pasta. And the chick was like "No offense, but I like the Ukraine better than I like Canada." And I was like "What the Fuck?!" I've been to Eastern Europe and it's not all that fucking great. If you don't like Canada, get the fuck out of my country and go back to enjoying your 25 cent salary and your potato based alcoholic beverages. Wow, that was a very aggravating food-getting experience. It just reminded me how much I dislike Asians, Jews, and Ukrainians . . . and I guess music majors? Man, if there had been a Dutch person in the mix, I might have gone ninja on the whole place, like Tom Cruise.

On a happier note, as I was coming back to my room, I walked by someone's room and they were blasting "In The Shadows" by The Rasmus. I had to back it up and listen for a bit. It made me smile.

"Lately I've been walking, walking in circles,
watching, waiting for something
Feel me, touch me, heal me,
Come take me higher."

- "In The Shadows" [The Rasmus]

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This Fortress of Tears [24 Sep 2004|03:21am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

So ya, blah blah blah, haven't posted in months, I am aware. I am back at school, and I suppose it's going well. Friends are good, went to go see drag queens (and had one feel my breasts) last weekend, doing lots of reading and learning, and so forth. However, this is not the point of this post.

Here goes . . . My most favouritist band in the whole wide world is a Finish band called HIM and I loves them sooooooooo much. Therefore, understandably, I was ever so pumped to find out that they were doing a North American tour and that I would finally have an opportunity to see them after four long years. But alas, my luck is not that good. Sure they're on tour, but unfortunately, the closest they are coming to Toronto is motherfucking Detroit, grrrrr! Alright that was the first kick in the pants. But hey, I thought that perhaps I would be able to find some friends to come along, split the travel costs and all would be fine. But no! Lack of funds as well as lack of interest of those parties with access to vehicles and inability on my part to drive (or even rent a car for that matter) seem to have brought an end to my dream. I have so many things to be pissed about:

1) Why in the world does it cost $113 to take a bus to fucking Detroit?;
2) Why didn't I ever learn to drive?;
3) Why don't I have any friends that are 21 and would, therefore, be able to rent a car and drive my ass?
4) Why don't I have any friends that love HIM as much as I do?;
5) Why doesn't HIM just play a fucking show in Toronto and make my life far less stressful?

*sigh* I really want to cry right now. And I know that there are people that are just like: "Its only a band, blah, blah, blah." Well my advice to those people is to go fuck themselves.

My only hope is that they will be touring Europe this summer while I'm there or that I will meet someone willing to go and with access to a method of transportation. Here's hoping!

"So before life tears us apart
Let death bless me with you."

- "Join Me In Death" [HIM]

3 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

The T (dot) B (dot) [15 May 2004|06:45pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]


I've been home for like 3 weeks now. Been mostly chillaxing and eating. I miss everyone from school though *pout* My LA, B-town, Chris and Erin, Lance, and yes, even Dave. But being home is nice too. Oh, except this computer is such a complete pile of donkey crap I cannot even begin to describe it. For some unapparent reason, it does not like Ebay because it fucking kicks the bucket every time I'm on the website. I guess that will save me some money. Speaking of money, I am so unemployed it is painful. Fuck me, I need a job. I'm gonna try to get one soon, I swear.

So since I've been home I've been hanging out with my homegirl Michellie quite a bit. And I finally met Ge-to-the-off, who also goes by Michelle's brother or just Geoff. He's a good kid *thumbs up*

Also being the good citizen that I am, I volenteered my time to the Chaban Ukrainian Dance Ensemble. That's right folks, I sold my soul to the dark side, I am deeply ashamed *hangs head in shame* But seriously, it was good times. I took care of the beginners during the group's final concert. Made me miss dancing a whole bunch though, I think I might get back into it next year. So ya, after the concert my friend (or perhaps arch-nemesis is a more acccurate description) Amy and I went out with the rest of the group. Good times were had. Amy and I who are old school graduates of the IB programme had a colourful conversation with 2 future graduates. Good times. The good times continued the next night at the Chaban end-of-the-year banquet which I was invited to. I was so excited because my friend Andrea's Uncle Rudy was there. He is the coolest man EVER! It was nice to see him :)

More resently, Michelle and I decide to go see Van Helsing on Wednesday since she now gets free tickets to the movies because she is a bitch to the corporate world. Sweet Jesus, I am so glad that I did not have to pay for that! Wow! Anyone who knows me, knows that I love me some vampire movies, but this was inexcusable. The brides of Dracula were so annoying, I don't even know if what they were doing can be technically classified as acting. Furthermore, there was so much in the plot that was not explained. To me it felt like a poorly-done Underworld prequel. No matter what you hear about this movie, do not go see it. You have been warned.

Furthermore, last night I was reintroduced to the Thunder Bay bar scene *shakes head* And after the experience I think that some new rules should be instigated:

1) If you have children that are 10 years old or older, your entrance into the bar should be a privilege not a right and you should be submitted to a strict line of questioning to determine whether you should be allowed in.
2) If you are clearly wearing clothing that came from your 14 year old daughter's closet, you cannot come in.
3) If you are visibly missing teeth, you cannot come in.
4) If you have a bleached blonde toupee mullet, there is NO way your ass is getting in.
5) If you are bumping and grinding on the dance floor and you are old enough to be my mother and father, you WILL be asked to leave.

That's really all the rules I can think of for right now. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll have more to add with my next Thunder Bay bar experience.

Finally, yesterday I found out that someone that I thought was pretty and skinny is actually fat. It made me happy. That is all.

I will now leave you with one of the funniest exchanges in the history of Buffy by two of the funniest characters in the history of television. Enjoy!

Andrew: I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.
Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things.
Andrew: Ooh, I love those.
Spike: Yeah, me, too.
Andrew: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I don't understand how such a thing is possible.
Spike: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.
Andrew: Masterful.
Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.
Andrew: Right.

- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

19 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

Ode to a Montreal Trip [23 Apr 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Alright, so I finally got my CD with all the Montreal pics on it. *woot* I will put it under an LJ cut because there are 33 pictures and I would also like to include some potentially witty comments. Hope you enjoy!

The real Team Flesh Purse in the true Jizz Sock of CanadaCollapse )

"Montreal is one huge jizz sock."

- Chris Rouse

2 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

Question Time! [14 Apr 2004|04:27pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Since everyone else is doing it and I can't help but wonder what people would ask me, I've decide to post this:

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

"Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers."

- Voltaire

15 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

A long update for Michelle [09 Apr 2004|03:26am]
[ mood | pleased ]

So what has Marta been up to lately . . . Oh yes, being a horribly huge loser she has been spending most her time watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, I am half way through season five at the moment and seeing as there are only 7 seasons this madness will soon be over. But don't any of you worry. I'm sure it will be followed by an equally irrational and intolerable new obsession.

Also, I have gone to see a few movies in the past weeks. Went to see Mystic River the night of the muddy shoe insident. Liked it, but I found that it was too predictable. Perhaps it was because of my keen interest in forensics and the like, or maybe I'm just hella smart. Ya we'll go with that one.

The week after that, went to go see Dawn of the Dead mostly because our friend Chris is one of the zombies. However, there was no walk through a deep pit of mud this time so you know, the night just wasn't complete. At the theatre, however, we tried to sound extremely important by stating in loud and obnoxious voice that we knew one of the zombies. Also, our chairs made farting sounds.

Week three, it was time for some Jersey Girl. It was cute. I liked how the love story wasn't the main focus of the movie. Also, cameo by Will to the Smith, always welcome in my books. Lastly, the little girl reminded me soooo much of my little Mexican *tear* I miss the little bugger. Hopefully she's too busy making shoes for Nike to miss me too much.

And finally, got to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Wow! I don't want to sound like those fucking annoying stuck up film students that go to York (Lesley-Anne excluded), but I really love Charlie Kaufman movies, they really get to me. They make you think. And ask: "What if?" The scenes towards the end where Joel and Clementine are trying to escape and everything is disappearing were amazing. And where Clementine asks him: "What if you didn't go?" I lost it. And hello? Who knew that Elijah Wood could be so creepy?! Plus, I want a job where I can get druck/high and have sex while working. Sounds like fun to me.

Also, last weekend I went to B-town (or the town more commonly known as Brampton). It was really weird because we went shopping in the mall that I lived across from. Just a very surreal experience all around. I saw my old apartment, and the library where I got my first ballet lessons and learned to skate. And saw the huge The Bay sign which I used to think said The Gay because of the font. Saw the Toys 'R Us where I used to get all my toys. And most importantly went to Chinguacousy Park which is only the best park . . . EVER! That's where I learned to ride a bike and where me and my buddy Peter hung out all the time. I have some really great memories in that town, a lot which involve my uncles. It was nice to be there and be able to remember them *tear*

*clears throat* Right, then hung out in B-town's house (not to be confused with the city, this is a person). Her dad is god damn funny. I burned my mouth really badly on a cabbage roll, to the point that the skin on the roof of my mouth came off. But two days later it was completely healed. Funny how quickly the mouth heals, huh? However, that did not stop me from drinking some Polish beer, eating some nachoes and Oreos, playing some Clue, watching some Chicago, and having an all around good time. Plus her brother's bed was uber comfy (and before any of you sickos get any ideas, no her brother was not in it!)

Finally, I had a really weird dream two nights ago. It started with me meeting my ex-bf's new gf. In my dream she was boring so I threw a bowl of chips at her and then pile-drived (pile-drove?) her through the coffee table. I blame the influence of Buffy *evil laugh* But that wasn't the weird part. Then, I went to my friend Andrea's house which was inside a Wal-Mart. And her mom yelled at me because I couldn't find the beach balls. Then she kicked me out because they were having Passover dinner even though they're not at all Jewish. After that, me and my two sisters (I only have one in real life) were being chased through The Bay in Brampton and through a movie theatre by "my mom". We ended up in a back alley where "my mother" -- who was soooo not anything like my mom -- shot herself with a gun. However, it did not kill her but only knocked her out. So I paid the mafia to puree her body in a giant blender . . . Alright, if I was a psych major (which I am), I would say "Somebody has issues" in an annoying and very fake Austrian accent.

I think that is about all for now. I must get ready to not watch TV, or listen to music, or eat all day tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I'm not religious by any means but this is something my mom always made me do on Good Friday and I am nothing if not obsessive compulsive when it comes to following traditions.

(Just to explain this entry's quote. I'm not trying to be mean spirited, it's just that the spontaneity and wittiness of it caught me off guard and made me laugh . . . until I nearly wet myself.)

Marta: I rode an elephant once.
Lesley-Anne: Was its name Chris?

9 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

dance, Dance, DANCE! [28 Mar 2004|01:08am]
[ mood | artistic ]

Today I spent a lovely day with Brampton at her sister's dance competition. I haven't been to one in like 2 years now and I was going through withdrawl. But I didn't realize just how much I missed it until I got there. The fake eyelashes, the neon costumes, the competition, the DRAMA! So many times I just wanted to jump up on stage and shake my groove thang, and I assure that many times I could have outdone some of the people that were actually on stage. I think I shall regale you with some of the highlights of the day if you will indulge me.

B-town's sister -- Stephanie -- had two dances. Her first one was to "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" and involved the use of a hat. I always give props to people who use . . . well, props in their dances because God knows I have had enough prop mishaps in my day. Her second dance was right awesome. It was a tap number in which they played bums looking through garbage cans. At one point they put the lids of the cans on one foot and tapped with one foot on a garbage can lid. Pretty cool shiznit. So cool in fact that they received the highest overall mark in the competition for the number. Shout out to B to the tizown!

So Stephanie's studio -- incidently called The Studio -- had 18 numbers. There was another school there -- Theatre Dance Academy -- that had 106 numbers! To put it in perspective, there were only 168 numbers in the entire competition!! It was crazy! For the most part they were good, but there was this one solo. Sweet minty Jesus, I swear it was some of the worst choreography I have ever seen. It was to Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" and it was a perfect example of what happens when white people with no rhythm try to be funky. *pssst* It's fucking stupid looking!!!

But aside from that TDA was pretty damn on the ball. They had a super cute hip hop number with like 8-10 year olds and this one little boy stole the whole number. He even did an aerial, he was the bomb diggity yo! *respect* At the end, they did a production that involved like 30 people. It was to a medley from the soundtrack to Moulin Rouge and it was all Las-Vegas-showgirlish. They even had a magic trick in it!! I was like: "Say whaaaaaat!?" But the best part was that they did the Dirty Dancing lift. It was fucking kick-ass.

Besides the horror that was "Fighter", I do have some further criticisms of TDA. Their total lack of formation changes got a little monotonous after a while. I realize that it is difficult to do anything too crazy with 30 people on stage, but give me something more than scattered lines!! Also -- in reference to the few ballet numbers that I saw -- ugly, ugly arms and the most played out, boring choreography ever. I was particularly disappointed because they had these beautiful black and red costumes on and they were doing pointe number to "O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana (which I love), and then they did the same old relevé, pas de bourrée sequence that everyone does to that music. BAH! I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that everyone can't be as great of a dance mastermind as myself.

Also, just as a side note. A girl from one of the other studios did a modern/lyrical number to "Me and A Gun" by Tori Amos. It would have been a really powerful number had she not been like 14 years old. The fact that she was made me feel vaguely uncomfortable. For a better understanding of why, you can read the lyrics here.

Finally, I would just like to make mention of my favourite number in the entire competition. It actually ended up winning the best choreography award, and rightly so! It was, of course, by TDA. And (wait for it) there were two guys in it *shock* Well, one of the guys was pretty much in all their dances, but the other one was hawt and talented, let me tell you. I saw him, poked B-town, and was like: "I bet he gets all the tang he wants!" *wink* However, she seems to think that he plays for the other team. Who cares though, right? Oh gawd, talent is such a turn-on and it didn't hurt that the dance was to Prince's "Question of U" and there were all these sexy lifts in it. If you asked me what the fuck the 20-some-odd girls did in that dance, I could not even begin to tell you because I was completely mesmerized by this studdly young fellow. Unfortunately, that was the only dance he was in *sad Marta*

Just one last thing. When I was a little kid, I was a HUGE fan of Michael Jackson and totally hated Prince. I basically considered him to be a poor man's MJ. But lately, I've been on this total Prince kick. And today hearing "Question of U" I was like: "This is like on of the sexiest songs I've ever heard." Especially the clapping and the group exhalation. It the mcdizzle fo sheezie. Anyways, I'm gonna go try to be black over *there* now.

"I get all the tang I want . . . of the poon variety!"

- Jimmy Fallon [Saturday Night Live]

10 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

Primal scream [24 Mar 2004|04:49am]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

Holy fuck, I'm really hoping that ranting in here will work as therapy. I don't know what's wrong with me but since last Thursday I've just been completely enraged at everthing all the time. I can't recall being this angry in a long time. I don't know why it started but everyone I know is just so annoying to me lately. It seems like all my friends have been treating me like I'm a third wheel or something. I just don't feel like I fit in. Like I'm always intruding or like I'm just an after-thought to them. As if they're like: "I suppose we should invited Marta" but don't really want to. It's so frusterating. I don't want to feel this way, but everytime I'm around them they seem to be making plans or talking about things that they did and none of these ever include me.
Secondly, I've become pretty good at not thinking about certain people. But this weekend I started thinking about them again and I can't stop. Except the thoughts are completely different then they once were. I know it's a bit drastic to wish someone would die and if they really did I'd probably feel really bad, but right now I just wish they would fuck off and die or at least suffer a lot. And I kind of wish I could be the cause of the pain, which really scares me actually. I feel really manipulated, hurt, and screwed over.
Finally, I got a lovely uplifting phone call from my mother last night. Please take note of the oozing sarcasm of the previous statement. My grandmother has always had a way of really pissing my mom off but ever since she's been in the home it has been getting worse. My mom felt it necessary to call and reenact her entire flip-out session for me, while all the while insisting that she was no longer mad. And I know that she just needs someone to talk to, but that was really not what I needed. It just made me worry more and feel worse. It made me worry about what is going on with my grandma because the things she's saying are really strange and unnatural. Like for example, she said she didn't want my see my sister this summer even though Krysia is 10 years-old and this would be the first time my grandma would ever see her. That really upset me. Also, it makes me worry about what this is doing to my mom. I know that she hasn't been sleeping well since September when she found out that both her brothers died and that my grandma was losing it. I'm really worried. I don't know what I would do if my mom went mental like the rest of my psycho-fuck family. She's the only normal one left, and if she goes, I'm totally fucked. I'd probably become a hermit for fear of dragging anyone into my own inevitable madness. I'm really scared that I'll go crazy . . . or already have *scary mystery music*
Right now I would really just like to lock myself in my room, watch Buffy, cross stitch, and slowly waste away. Unfortunately, the show must goes on, or so the old adage goes. I'm such a fucking drama queen and I'm also getting pretty good at playing the victim. I fucking suck at life. I should stop playing.

"Sometimes it hurts more then we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow. Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead."

- Angelus [Buffy the Vampire Slayer]

12 Bitches| Flip the Bitch

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